Reflection about the discomfort Essay Example for Free

Reflection about the discomfort Essay When I met a stranger at a party, I said to myself I wouldnt be shy. I told him my life story and my opinions within 10 minutes of meeting him. How odd it seemed. And finally he escaped from me. This was not a good start of a relationship, from that I learned self-disclosure was a kind of communication which worked best a little at a time. I had to sensitive to the other persons needs and feeling, to be empathic. When I communicated with my boyfriend in the first week, I reminded myself I should practice self-disclosure and I gave me a license to blurt out everything to him. Several times he said to me, Youre doing that communication thing on me. From his reflection about the discomfort, I thought I was over disclosing. The next week, when I stayed with him, I paid more attention on listening to him, gave him chances to disclose, but he complained that he was disclosing more than I was. This time I made another mistake, I was underdisclosing. I understood that deciding when and how much personal information to disclose was not a simple case, if I couldnt handle well, not only I would lose the chance to make friend with that stranger, but also lose my boyfriend. I was so regret that I was not prepare well for this part in the methodology section. I should modify it. Then I went to do some reading and found the guideline for disclosure. Self disclosure is best when it is to the right person-often one who is capable of empathic understanding; to the right degree- you may decide to disclose all or part of your experience; for the right reasons-be sure your goal is to disclose yourself rather than to burden the other or show off; at the right time-in hours that are appropriate and when the other is not heavily burdened with his own need; and in the right place-in a location conducive to this kind of communication.(Bolton, 1986, p. 180) In the following days, I kept these guidelines in mind when I communicated and made a great effort in using disclosing, no complaints again and the relation between my boyfriend went even intimacy.  I was amazed how I was able to self disclose to my friend Jane after nearlly 3 weeks disclosing training. I opened myself to her and revealed things about my past that I very rarely talk about. I found she was able to relate to me and I even led the way for her to reveal things about herself. This gave us a great beginning. One behavior that has hindered my self-disclosure with her was when she told me she was not happy for me when I told her a serious mistake I have made before. Unfortunately, after she did that I have not been able to open myself up anymore. I didnt take confrontation too well and said nothing at all. I needed to change this by telling her how I felt when she said that to me. If I could do this it would be a big step for me. This was a problem that I didnt foresee, I should learn how to deal with confrontation, prepare for it. I kept a diary of my disclosing within these 3 weeks. I found I was easy to disclosure to women than men. I avoid interact with people with different culture, I rarely talked about my family, and I often pushed me to self-disclosing too much and this turned people off. A lot of problems involves in my skill, I need to learn more about confrontation, learn how much I should disclose and to whom the disclosures are made. These were not included in my initial plan, and I will add them in my follow up plan. Conclusion and reflection  1. Self-disclosure is a process of providing information to another individual. The information that is disclosed includes ones thoughts, feelings, past experiences, and future plans.  2. For me, self-disclosure was the hardest piece of the puzzle, I did not tell people who I really was because I was afraid that they would not like the real me. Plus I had the need to protect myself.  3. I think an ideal self-disclosure (my goal) involves openness, a desire   o get closer to another, and an implied trust in the person were revealing ourselves to. It also can increase self-acceptance. 4. The amount of information we disclose in our interpersonal relationships also influences our relationships. The Johari window is a model that helps us assess the type of information we disclose; whom we make disclosures to and the communication environment we find ourselves in. By using this model, I found I was a person I r who had a lot of hidden area and a little open area.  5. My relationship with my friend May was an example of using the social penetration theory. I thought I understood this theory and did quiet well with disclosing to May. Although the disclosing slowed down in the last week, it was due to the different background. From that, I knew disclosure happened frequently with people had common ground. 6. Although I overcome the mental barrier to communicate with the stranger, I still done badly. I fell in an extreme-overdisclosing and made him escape from me. I realized that self-disclosure couldnt be used as a mere device to force the other people into a relationship. It was a kind of communication which worked best a little at a time. I should sensitive to the other persons needs and feeling, to be empathic. 7. I failed to use self-disclosure with my boyfriend in the first two weeks, but with the help of the guidelines, I did better in the last week. During the first week, I made a same mistake (overdisclosing) again. I blurted out everything to him. After he reflected his uncomfortable, I forced myself to listen more, but still fell into another extreme- underdisclosing. In order to solve the problem, I found some guidelines and kept in mind in the following week and got a lot of benefit. 8. I done really well in disclosing to Jane, but a new problem arose. I didnt know how to deal with confrontation when she said she didnt like my past behavior. This hindered my disclosing and I couldnt open myself any more. The lack of prepare for confrontation leaded to my failure.  9. I thought the approach I adopted was quiet successful, such as prepare for disclosing and handle the anxiety, using a method to gradually work up to being more open.  10. I benefited a lot by keeping a diary about my training. From that, I discovered what feelings and needs I didnt disclose; which friendships grew the most. I also knew certain of my disclosures turn people off and what I was uncomfortable discussing certain things and who I avoid interacting with. 11. Prepared other for my change by telling them I would use a new communication skill gave me a lot of benefits. They would give me feedback and if I done badly, they wont easily get annoy.  12. There were many shortcomings in my approach. Such as ignore when and how much personal information to disclose, havent prepared for confrontation. Those problems made my disclosing failed.  13. I thought my origin goal was appropriate-became openness, got closer to another, and had an implied trust in the person were revealing ourselves to. My goal also included increasing my self-acceptance. After 3 weeks training, I found I was more open than before, I wouldnt always hide myself and I would like to share myself with the right person. I got closer to May, my boyfriend by disclosing. During the process of disclosing, a trust had built. I showed some trust in another by making a disclosure that had a little risky, when the other accepted and was supportive about my disclosure, trust was likely to be enhanced. Due to the acceptance by others, my self-acceptance enhanced.